Coming Out of the Closet

To be honest, I never understood the need or importance of 'coming out of the closet' to homosexuals until I considered the title for this post. When I considered the impact on me of 'coming out', I got it - I finally got it. Apologies to all my homosexual friends.

It took me over 20 years to ever tell anyone the truth about the plucking. Maybe I was in recession and shared it with a close friend, R.K., I'm not sure. I do remember another close girlfriend asking me about it. She was the only one to have noticed and open the subject. At first I felt like someone was asking me - uh, something too personal discuss - I can't even think of a good analogy. What ran my through my head was 'birth control', 'cosmetic surgery', 'what sexual positions' I use. Maybe the that last one comes close to how violated I felt initially. Then I saw the opportunity.
The opportunity to share this with a close friend who cares about me and wouldn't judge me for it, but could be a source of support. I was tired of hiding, lying about it and being ashamed. It was time to tell the truth.

Over the course of about 10 years I mentioned the plucking with only 3 close friends, and my loving husband, of course.

Over this past year, I've shared my 'issue' with at least a dozen or more people while creating new openings for breakthroughs to my healing. I was doing really well over several months. I had taken responsibility for my trich, and was able to choose or not choose it. I was really free. Then I had a major breakdown. Major plucking session. Total destruction.

But what I discovered when I shared that I am a hair puller was that people are much more loving and accepting of me than I am. I didn't lose any friends, their love, their high opinion of me; on the contrary - I gained respect for my courage and closeness from sharing something so deeply personal.

And power.

That's right. Power.
I found that with each person I told my situation, the trich lost power and I gained power. A major power shift. That's what I finally got about gays needing to come out. Sharing, being out there and being fully self-expressed is empowering! Hiding and lying are disempowering.
How long are you willing to give up your power to your hair pulling?

All that shame, hiding and fear of discovery empowered the hair-pulling beyond belief. It fueled it, it became bigger than life. But then when people shared that they, too, pulled, or chewed their cuticles, or whatever it is that they do to themselves, I realized it wasn't the big deal I had made it to be and that now I had permission to

BE HUMAN AND ACCEPT MY HUMANITY WHILE ACCEPTING OTHERS'.

How simple is that? Everyone has something. No one - absolutely no one is perfect.
We hair-pullers have to stop lying to ourselves that we're not as good as everyone around us
because of our hair-pulling. We are. We're just as good. Just as valuable. Just as human.

Before sharing my hair pulling I had so many conversations in my head about how the other would react, what their judgment of me would me, what a freak I would sound like. I put aside those conversations and trusted my friends to continue to accept me. Afterall they put up with all my other imperfections, why not this?

The other side of it is: I feel great about who I am so it doesn't matter how they respond or what they think of me as a result. it really doesn't.

This week I've shared my trich now with male friends. That was really scary. Scary to the point of tears.
Would they still think I'm beautiful? Would they think I was an imposter, keeping my secret from them for so long. In return I got love, support, and lots of sharing and insights.

Welcome to the human race. The race where everyone is a winner!

So, find just one person today to tell. It will be scary. Face the fear. Face it down. Look it straight in the eyes, stare down its teeth and do it anyway. You will discover a whole new level of love, acceptance and humanity as I did. You will get self-love and self-acceptance on a whole new level each time you let yourself be vulnerable and the trich will shrink in proportions and maybe even disappear. Who knows?
What have you to lose - but the hair-pulling?

Next post: Do you really want to stop pulling your hair?