Feeling Plucky

I have declared myself a 'former plucker' as of a week ago and it's been 2 full weeks since I plucked. That is not a big milestone for me. The shift is that I had not engaged in any of the accompanying behaviors - until Saturday.

There was an upper lash clinging to a lower lash and that was driving me nuts. I don't want to feel my lashes. I don't want anything to draw my attention to them. But there it was: that lash stuck to lash feeling. I kept rubbing them apart, but of course they just keep clinging. All the rubbing made the corner of my eye sore. That along with the awareness of the few lashes there and I started thinking about plucking it.

But no. I don't do that anymore. So, plucking urge, 'thanks for sharing' and go away.
Deep breath. Pinch the area between my thumb and index finger. Think about how painful the plucking is.

I had actually begun to think of plucking as painful. That's a good thing.

Then I took out the magnified mirror to see just what was going on there. This is where I start lying to myself. "I'm just looking to see if there is a way to stop these lashes clinging." Big fat liar. You want to see the few lashes that have finally grown in. Now if I just pluck that one lash the irritation will go away and I will stop thinking about it. You're obsessing on them. That leads to plucking them.

Nope, I don't do that anymore. I can just be with it. It will pass. I'll get used to it.

But all I can think about is that damn lash.

I spend most of Saturday (my Sabbath) reading. Potential recipe for disaster. I mess with the lashes a bit off and on, but don't pluck anything. I acknowledge that those urges will come, but the difference is in what I CHOOSE to do in the face of the urge.

Each time I don't pluck is a strengthening decision that reinforces my power not to pluck. How I get through it is to do some deep breathing and imagine my end result - being free, not a slave to these urges and having long beautiful lashes.

Speaking of being free - we're celebrating our Passover holiday and had our Passover seder on Saturday night. Thinking of being 'free' gave way to thinking about the ways we are enslaved in modern times. What kinds of impulses enslave us today? Trichotillomania urges have enslaved me for far too long. It is time for me to be free of it and to be 100% responsible for engaging in plucking or not and empowering myself to choose not plucking. If I do pluck, even a few lashes or eyebrows, I won't become a slave to my stories and self-deceit about it either. I will take responsibility and take further steps to strengthen powerful choices in the future.

So, what did I do in the end? I plucked the bottom lash that the top lash was clinging to. And there, it was done. I have my bottom lashes, so taking one out as a way to prevent the further obsessing and irritation was a conscious choice done not out of an urge to pluck but an act to prevent further plucking. And it worked.

Having 2 days of Sabbath (one Sabbath, one Holy Day) was difficult as there isn't much I can do with my hands. I don't use the computer or even write. I can't make jewelry or even do Sudoku!! It's a lot of reading, resting, eating, and going out for walks - though I didn't go out for a walk and maybe I should have dissipated some energy by doing that.

I do admit that later in the evening while watching TV, I did pluck a lash and 2 eyebrows. I had a little conversation with myself about it:
"Esti, what are you doing?"
"Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me."
"You're a former hair plucker, right?"
"Absolutely."
"So, you know you don't really want or need to be doing this."
"Absolutely."

OMG, I plucked a few hairs! I'm a liar. I'm NOT a former plucker.
No, Esti, you're doing just fine. Acknowledge the urges, but be stronger
than they are. And do more work on yourself.

I'm working with a retraining and self-hypnosis program that has some key elements
that I believe will help me the rest of the way to freedom: associating pain with plucking, replacing the plucking with some other pleasurable experience. I will update you as to the progress of working with this program and if any of you have experience with it please share your experiences here. It's Trichotillomania Cure.

I'm also learning EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique and I have read that that it's been used with total success to free people of plucking. Even really severe cases. It's a gentle, easy-to-learn technique. I will share my progress with you. The link to the site is in the sidebar.

If you're looking to start your own Freedom Journey, start with Abby's ebook (see link on the side bar under Abby Leora Rohrer's Sites, and then give the Trichotillomania Cure a look. Both of these programs together will cost you around $100. Not a lot of money to spend to get your life back.

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