I get ideas in my head, but to actually sign in and write a post seems to become a big deal. And the more I procrastinate it, the bigger it becomes.
Several interesting things have happened over the months. I have something really insightful to share with you in my next post, after watching Opra about cigarette addiction. - but next post.
Ok, so let's review what I've tried to free myself of trich:
- behavior modification (self)
- hypnosis
- will power (well, we know this doesn't work or we wouldn't be where we are...)
- meditation and mantra
- paraliminals
- EFT/NLP
- NOT trying - hmmmmmm....
I studied behavior modification as part of my teacher training. This involves setting up a program in which the goal behavior or approximated goal behaviors are rewarded (or negative behaviors punished) in order to train the subject to engage in the desired behavior.
I would keep a calendar and mark the days of no plucking, or allow a certain level of plucking and rate it - did I pluck 1 or 2, catch myself and stop? That was a 1, where a zero meant no plucking, and out of control plucking would be a 3. Each week the points were added up and I could reward myself accordingly. I tried with money to treat myself to a new article of clothing, or a favorite treat. I worried about creating a new food obsession, though.
The problem: I was not accountable to anyone but myself. This program still had me as prisoner and warden. I could cheat, and I was too attached to the outcome to manage the program for myself. In essence, it meant having more will power and self-discipline than I had; because if I had it, I would pluck at all, now would I? How many of you reading this are saying been there, done that?
Hypnosis
Two summers ago I went to see a hypnotist. The session consisted of a pre-session so the therapist could determine how to work with me. During that pre session I was very, very relaxed, but by the actual session, I found myself constantly readjusting my position and having to resettle and re-relax. The therapist didn't think it would affect the power of the suggestion and she had worked with OCD sufferers before with immediate success. I was very hopeful. The one image she used during the therapy made me cry a cry of longing and letting go. The image basically lead me to thank my trich for being there when I needed it, like a good friend, but now I didn't need it anymore and it was time to say goodbye. Even now, writing this, I feel my eyes start to well up and my being is imbued with the sense of letting go, separating and saying goodbye.
Saying goodbye - separation - that must be a trigger for my trich. The image I have in my mind now of separations include the man I left to come live in Israel. I loved him deeply, with all my heart and with all my being - a way I've never been able to love anyone again.
Other separations include losing a baby. The fetus simply stopped developing and at 14 weeks pregnant, I was induced and we said goodbye to who would've been our 3rd boy (today we have 4 boys). I had had a premonition about that pregnancy not working out, but everything was fine at the 10 week check up. At 14 weeks we could find no heartbeat. I had been walking around telling my husband that there was no life force in my abdomen - it was cold. And I was right. Soon thereafter (6 weeks later) I was pregnant again!
The most recent and disturbing separation was from my brother Steve. He died suddenly at the age of 34 in August 2003. He wasn't a big element in my life - he never wrote or called. It was up to me to stay in touch, but I miss him dearly. He was so clever, smart, beautiful and funny. And it's hard knowing that I'll never see him again and my kids will not get to know him that way I did. I see him in dreams once in a while, and talk to him. I know he's still with us. He died of an 'accidental' overdose of nitrous oxide (laughing gas) so if you know anyone messing around with this stuff - STOP THEM! It can kill them. It's no laughing matter after all, turns out. (none of us family members knew about this or any of his other risk-taking behaviors/addictions).
EFT/NLP
After one session, I was completely trich free for about 7-10 days. I felt released and free. But then it came back. Maybe a few more sessions would have helped. We worked on the issues of separation - eventually. It only came out once we were done with the session and kept talking a bit. My therapist was very keen and very attentive and as soon as he saw the issue, we tapped it out.
I believe we all have to find the key - the root to the original trigger of our trich. Find what created it and you'll find your cure at the same time.
I do recommend working with therapists such as hypnotherapists, EFT/NLP practitioners and kinesiologists who have experience relieving people of their compulsive behaviors. All these things created a shift and greater awareness for me, and got me closer to my own cure.
What holds me back from a total cure? Not wanting to let go - not wanting to say goodbye forever. I lie to myself and say that I'm fine just the way I am. What difference does it make whether I have lashes and eyebrows, or not? It's just something I do. It's the way I am. So what. That's fine for the day to day so that I'm not punishing myself every moment for doing this to myself, but is it REALLY how I want to live my life? The rest of my life? What would it mean for me if I could create a breakthrough in this area? It would mean taking my life back, beauty, freedom, inspiration to others. It would mean less eye irritation, less self-consciousness. It would mean being a person who handles tension in productive, non-destructive ways.
What would it mean for you, if you could stop plucking?
Who would you be?
Are you ready to be that? (it's ok if you're not, but be honest about it and accept it for now)
Do you believe you can be trich free?
Remember - you were not born plucking. If you weren't born with it, it was acquired. If it was acquired, it can be un-acquired.
My new cure of the month - KINESIOLOGY
I had my first session last week. I will keep you posted on my progress here. My next session is April 10th.
It's not an instant cure, but I believe will address the root (no pun intended) causes, the tension that feeds it, and the neural pathways created by the repetitive behavior.
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What about the last one on the list? NOT TRYING.
Well, 'they' say that what we resist, persists. As trich 'sufferers' (can we use a better word - trich-sters?) I'm open to suggestions, but I'm going with that one. As I was saying - as trich-sters the more we try not to and tell ourselves we have to stop, we want to stop - it gets WORSE!!!
Whatever we resist, persists. Think about that. Stop resisting it.
Share your thoughts here. Thanks for being here.
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